On this Thanksgiving Day, first and foremost, I am so very thankful for all the incredible, compassionate, loving, caring people in my life. I seriously had no idea that you could find this kind of love in the world. Almost everywhere I go. It is so incredibly amazing I don't even know how to explain it. I feel love, compassion, caring, acceptance, kindness, from literally hundreds of people. I'm living proof that a trans* person can have a wonderful life. My greatest hope is that someday all trans* people can have the happiness, joy, love and acceptance that I have in my life.
This is probably something that you probably don't hear everyday: I'm so very, VERY thankful that I am transgender!! In addition to all the amazing people and friendship and love that I talked about above, I feel it made me a better human. I feel like before I was so focused on how much I hated myself and trying to find any way to make myself happy, I was a selfish prick. It still kinda blows my mind that the secret to happiness for me was just living as my authentic self: A WOMAN. I can't even describe the joy I find in knowing I'm a woman.
And it made me so much stronger and braver. Sue tells people that there is NO WAY you would have ever caught Scott (my dead name) up on stage in front of people, none the less singing. Which is another reason I'm thankful for being transgender. I originally started singing as a way to try to feminize my voice. Then I discovered it is just as fun to sing in a male voice too. I now have over 500 videos of me performing. In this year that has just been so very, very hard, singing has been one of the main things that got me through it. So many times I have gone to karaoke in severe pain, just feeling like death was upon me and left feeling like a million dollars.
I can't really describe how much I hated myself before. I must've wished tens of thousands of times I had never been born, never existed, went to sleep wishing and hoping I would not wake up in the morning. The first time I looked in the mirror and saw a woman looking back at me was the first time I ever truly loved myself. It is so very wonderful to look in the mirror and be happy with who you are!!
And loving yourself is absolutely crucial when you have a nasty disease like MS to deal with every moment of everyday. I have wondered so many times this year how my old self-loathing self would have ever survived this disease and this brutal year. Loving myself and having all of you wonderful loving, kind caring, people out there that support me and constantly lift me up, is what have carried me through.
I am also so very, very thankful to have Sue, my (I think we are currently calling it) Platonic Life Partner / BFF / Housemate. She is the one who picks me up when I fall, both literally and metaphorically. I have a book titled "She's Not the Man I Married" and in the beginning of the book they say so few marriages survive
Lastly, in a way, I'm thankful for some of the things that MS has given me. It got me out of a job where I don't feel there is any way I would have ever dared come out as a woman.
strength to to battle MS, Mono
In a way even thankful for MS because it allowed me the time (without a job) to explore and discover who I really was. When I looked in the mirror and saw a woman looking back at me was the first time I ever loved myself. It was an incredible moment! So I'm thankful for me I love myself, who I am, the life I've led since I've been Rachel.
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vi-CfLsgLyk
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zAtW0ijmgM
YouTube (live): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3HhGtxCJmY
YouTube (extended): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W41kKq6TxU
