"Brave" by Sara Bareilles

This was on one of the CD's WJ gave me and I love it!

Update 17-Sep-2015: I think I can honestly say this was the worst day I've had since I transitioned and even farther back than that.  (It was in no way related to my transition.  I'm happy to say that I've only had one time where I doubted my transition and there were other factors in play that night.)

I'm sure that trying to function, yesterday, on only 2 hours of sleep didn't help.  But the main things I was doubting myself about were: in the days prior I opened up and told some things to some people who are most dear to me.  In the one case it was over something I should have dealt with 17-18 years ago.  Instead, back then, I was scared I might hurt somebody's feelings.

I came to the realization a few days ago, that if I had woman up'd all those years ago (okay, it would have been "man up" then...  no, wait, I was right the first time, I was always a woman I just didn't know it then.  :)  Actually, I could go as far as to say it very likely would have been better had I been my true self back then.  I am absolutely certain I am much stronger now and far more brave).

Anyway,  I see now that if I hadn't been afraid all those years ago, I could have taken steps to make things better.  Now almost 20 years have passed and so much water has gone under the bridge, it is hard to tell how much can be done.   I'm certain that some damage can never be undone.

This morning, after a few hours of sleep, I realized that this song was absolutely perfect for me in this situation:

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love
Or you can start speaking up

Nothing's going to hurt you the way that words do
When they settle 'neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins

But I wonder what would happen if you...
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out, honestly
I wanna see you be brave...

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQsqBqxoR4
YouTube (live - bully version): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXMGhiy7S4s