"How Deep it Goes" by Heart

The overall effect of MS is that it makes me slow.  I don't have good control of my fingers, so far too often I hit the wrong keys.  Sometimes over and over and over.  I think slow.  I forget what I'm doing.  I get confused about what I'm doing.

So I've realized I'm never going to catch up on all the blog posts I started and haven't finished (as of the moment I'm writing this there are 54 draft posts).

So I've decided to just post them irght now, without photos or comments and just one link to a video and maybe someday, somehow I will find to add photos, comments and finish them.  But for now...

#DraftPost


Trans Day of Visibility
My anniversary of going full-time as a woman

Playing this album this morning, forgot about this songs

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwbNSSyQex8
YouTube (lyrics): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGxl6cuHBdM
YouTube (Topic): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFt5gvlN-YI

"Where Evil Grows" by The Poppy Family

The Penis Tower where evil grows in Utah

Update 12-Apr-2018:  I hate it when I have a plan and and then I forget what it was.  Anyway, my original plan for this post was to say, the building where evil grows in Utah is in the giant phallic symbol above.

I know absolutely that they are killing our youth with their LGBTQ hate speech!  As Talia said at the Rock-n-Roll Camp for Girls Showcase last summer: "Teen suicide is an epidemic in Utah".  And those bastards in this tower are definitely part of the problem!

Ooh, (waving arm) I know, I know, I know!!  President Spanky's administration!  The Evangelical Right!  The Alt Right!  To name but a few!

I love this Stephen Colbert "Trump Has A New Nickname In Washington" clip:

YouTube (LateNight): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLSdfiVJ8r0

I especially love the line about "Spanky" being a wonderful thing, "maybe the best news I've heard all day"!  LOL

Anyway, this is a fun song:

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLYO9Flbf14
YouTube (vinyl): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MirI6GQJGM
YouTube (live TV): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfeEcCLMtxk

"A Certain Someone" by The Sundays

I've been watching the Amazon Prime series "Mozart in the Jungle" and just saw an episode titled "Nothing Resonates like Rhinoceros Foreskin".  That's a funny title although I abhor harming animals in any way.  The reason I became vegetarian.

But it made me think of my favorite title of an episode ever: "The Smart Money is on the Skinny Bitch".  (See my post for 31-May-2017)

Anyway, I was sending a message to a group on Facebook and I referred to my friend that I had date with as "a certain someone" and it reminded me of this song.

I've decided to experiment and see if I can monetize my blog so here is a link to purchase the MP3 on Amazon:



The usual YouTube links:

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DKh7cZRNnQ
YouTube (lyrics): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tQUN29k1rI
YouTube (live 1990): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1vcZcTQhXc
YouTube (live 1993): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5Yz85_6fro
YouTube (Topic): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uG9fR5Np6v8

"Fixing a Hole" by The Beatles

This morning I was wishing my mind would wander, instead of not going over and over and over the same shit.

As usual the original Beatles song doesn't seem to be anywhere on YouTube.  The Beatles stuff has always been fanatically protected.  Like Beatles albums were never available from record clubs.

YouTube (The Beats): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-s4OLFNyYQ
YouTube (Rangzen): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAK9oy_2ch0
YouTube (Take 1): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J935rPVu7UE
YouTube (Paul): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOmJqNsFr_M

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Update 1-Sep-2018: found a clip with a great joke:

Speaking of holes, I loved the line in this Stephen Colbert monologue  "Wait, you have to do this?  Does he think acting like a buffoon is mandatory?  Is this some sort of "Speed" situation, where somebody strapped a bomb to the country and if the Presidents IQ goes above 55 the country explodes?".   Hahaha but we don't need to worry about that ever happening...

YouTube (Late Night): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTLLNFBgokw
YouTube (joke start): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTLLNFBgokw&t=5m12s

"I'm a Fool to Care" by Les Paul and Mary Ford

Me at Jitter Bug Coffee Hop - 1855 S. 700 E. Salt Lake City

Lily parked in front of Jitter Bug

I stop by Jitter Bug Coffee Hop all the time for coffee.  Once in a while I allow myself a pastry.  Had a sandwich with my friend Sherri there a couple of weeks ago, it was nice!

Original Sheet Music for "I'm a Fool to Care"

This is the first song I ever worked on with my voice coach, Mindy Pack.  That day literally changed my life.  I never, ever believed I would be able to sing, but in one session Mindy showed me different.  And Mindy has always been so supportive and amazing ever since.

Mindy's website: http://www.mindypack.com/

Anyway, I've always loved this song and since 2015 it has had very special meaning for me!

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1MJsXDLnEY
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WT7D5lz7Fyo
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzjINqyets8

"1984" by Spirit

The Best of Spirit front of cover and Side 1 of Epic issue

The Best of Spirit back of cover and Side 2 of Epic issue

I woke up this morning, Mariah was crying because she didn't want to go to school.  I opened the kitchen blinds and could hardly see out for all the snow on the tree branches and I thought sarcastically "It's another beautiful day in the neighborhood".

But then I thought to myself: "NO!  It *IS* ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD!!!".  And it WILL BE a good day, DAMMIT!!

I was feeling pretty good after that.  Then a few minutes after SueZQ left to take Mariah to school, she called to tell me the fuel light was blinking in the Prius and she thought she had enough to get Mariah to school but was not sure she had enough gas to make it back home.  I told her I would meet her out at the Costco by Valley Fair Mall.

I threw some clothes on, went out and Lily (the Trans-mobile) was covered in snow of course and some of it had turned to ice on the windows.  I went out and got on I-215 and it was basically a parking lot.  Stop and go about 5 MPH.  I decided screw that, I'll go out to Bangerter, it was moving mostly okay Southbound so I was at least making progress.

I got to Costco and started SueZQ filling up the Prius.  There was some dude in a pickup truck filling up adjacent to her that was giving me the evil eye.  After he left I asked SueZQ about it and she said she saw him too.

After I filled Lily up I had to go to the credit union to put some cash in our account because I was worried there wasn't enough money in our account to cover the gas if some bills went through.  I felt like I kinda freaked the teller out.  I'm never sure if it was my being trans or maybe she was just new?  I was not feeling the good vibe in West Valley City this morning for sure.

But it did cheer me up some when I stopped for some ducks crossing the road and there were some kids running around playing in the snow.

I stopped to let these ducks cross the road

But I was feeling kinda down again when I got home.  I went back to bed for a while because I was feeling shitty again.  This  afternoon I got up and went downtown to pick up some items at Trader Joe's and Natural Grocers.  I saw several of my friends at both places and they lifted me up and I was feeling really good again.

In thinking about the "Wrinkle in Time" movie yesterday I started thinking about how much I've struggled since last November.  I started thinking about the similarity between the battle between light and darkness in the movie and how I've battled the last several months.

So I think this song is relevant today for two different reasons: one of course is this current (Trump) administration being fascist and, two the line: "he's going to tell you the darkness gives you much more than you get from the light".

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxlhToVMfbQ
YouTube (live TV): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtzS93HDQeE
YouTube (live TV 1970): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqG0BXWPJzs

"Afterhours (Charlie Hype Desi Remix)" by TroiBoi

Screenshots of official website for Signature Move film.

I finished watching the (lesbian) film "Signature Move" last night and I really enjoyed, loved it!

Official website: http://www.signaturemovemovie.com/

The "About" description from the website:

A new romance with Alma forces Zaynab to confront her relationship with her recently widowed mother who escapes to TV dramas and finding her daughter a husband. In this coming-of-age Muslim melodrama, Zaynab copes by taking up Lucha-style wrestling.

Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signature_Move

I thought the summary from Wikipedia was a better description:

Zaynab (Fawzia Mirza), a thirty-something Pakistani, Muslim, lesbian in Chicago takes care of her TV-obsessed mother Parveen (Shabana Azmi). As Zaynab falls for Alma (Sari Sanchez), a bold and very bright Mexican woman, she searches for her identity in life, love and wrestling.

#LesbianMovie
#LesbianFilm

Anyway, this song played over the end credits and I love it!!

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4914qaYOGV8

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I went and saw the "Wrinkle in Time" movie with Black Lives Matter this afternoon.  It was a delightful experience until I used the ladies room after the film.

It's kind of funny, I suppose, that when I say I had something nasty happen in the Women's Rest Room that the first thought is that it was someone freaking out over a transgender person in the "wrong" rest room.

But in this case it had nothing to do with my being transgender.  It had to do with my MS and the worsening symptoms.  I finished using the toilet and pulled up my panties and nylons.  I put on my coat (in was cold and snowing outside), but when I lifted my arms to put my purse strap over my shoulder I felt something odd.

I feel really humiliated posting this photo.  I certainly didn't have any thought of posting it at the time I took it.  It was more to have a record of the event.

But it is my reality.  MS has pretty much affected every single thing about me.  I don't really have good control of anything anymore.

Humiliating MS effect in the Ladie's Room at the theater

"Enter the Young" by The Association

Two of many great signs from the March for Our Lives today!

#NeverAgain
#EnoughIsEnough

I decided to take my old Pentax 35mm camera to the march today (see my post on March 12th).  I thought I would get a feel for what it was like back in the day.

I should note that the roll of film I used was over 20 years ago and had to have expired almost 2 decades ago.  I'm surprised they turned out as well as they did!

Photos of the Students at today's march taken with my 35mm camera

I thought the march was wonderful and inspiring!  All of the people there I talked to afterwards were also very impressed.

I want to say thanks to Allen's Photo (formerly Inkley's Photo that was around most of my life) for their excellent customer service.

Anyway, this song seems perfect for today...

It is weird how different the "original" version is so different than than the version on the "Greatest Hits" album is, which I was mostly familiar with.

I think my favorite version is the one on the "Live" album that was recorded up at the University of Utah.  I have always thought that was one of the best "Live" albums ever.  Almost as enjoyable as Swing Out Sister's "Live at the Jazz Cafe" album which I've always felt was the best live album ever.  (See my post on 20-Jan-2015.)

YouTube (original): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF-9y_Ox_sg
YouTube (greatest hits): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vGMnYpbeGY
YouTube (lyrics): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7X-ecNV_WkYouTube (Topic-original): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6f1ArwiVT0
YouTube (Topic-g.h.): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dk8DJvi_F64
YouTube (Topic live U of U): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfQQJJn_ny4

"Feels Like a Curse (Live)" by Lucius

Lucius performing at the Utah State Capital on International Women's Day

This popped up the other day while I was looking for something on YouTube.  I love it, so beautiful.  No wonder people were crying when they performed on International Women's Day.

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPXaQjZ638s

"Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera

#TransIsBeautiful

This song made me cry this morning.  It speaks my truth: I am beautiful and to every single one of my friends, everyone I know, and everyone that ever reads this: please know you are BEAUTIFUL!

It doesn't matter if you are Trans, CIS, girl, boy, Woman, man, non-binary, gay, straight, bi, or pan.  If you like to dress up or down, or are a punker.  The color of your skin, your race, where you were born, rich or poor. 

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM

"Fuck You" by Sara Bareilles

Ma Black - Such a bad motherfucker!  I love you!!

After being on the phone with United Healthcare for 50 minutes, talking to 3 different agents, I was way, Way, WAY pissed off and stressed!!  Then I saw this photo in the SL,UT Grrrl Gang group and it so made me happy and lifted me up.  That group lifts me up!  They are all such bad ass, motherfucking bitches!!  I love you all so much!  Thank you all for all your support!

I was looking back through my blog posts from October 2015 and came across this post for "Gonna Get Over You" and I played the video that started off with "Fuck You".

I was like "Fuck Yeah" that is perfect.  I hate Trump and all his rich motherfucking friends that have basically fucked over everybody else.  Would I be in this fucking nasty financial situation if those fuckers on Wall Street hadn't fucked over my 401K...  several times!!  Fucking pricks!!

Note: I have (had?) a T-shirt that was my fuck everything T-shirt.  I wanted to put a picture of it here, but now I can't find it.  So as a substitute I found the "Fuck" T-shirts in the screen shot above.
My T-shirt was more like a list of things to fuck, like the phone company.  Ah the days of Ma Bell when there was one fucking annoying phone company.

Today I was extremely stressed after a 50 minute call with United Healthcare.  Too long to explain, but the bottom line is that unbeknownst to me, they completely changed my coverage from last year and what was covered last year is no longer covered.

So I've decided to make a list of current things in the spirit of my old T-shirt:

Fuck United Healthcare!  Fuck our entire, horrible healthcare system in this country!  Fuck Verizon!  Fuck Donald Trump (aka President Bat Shit Crazy)!  Fuck his Wall!  Fuck the white women who voted for that orange, pussy-grabbing douche bag!  Fuck Russia!Fuck the Trans Ban!!! Fuck the Muslim Ban!!  Fuck Britebart!  Fuck Steve Bannon!  Fuck Cambridge Analytica!  Fuck Facebook!  Fuck Wall Street!  Fuck the Coal industry!  Fuck White Supremacists! Fuck Racists!  Fuck the Alt Right!  Fuck The Patriarchy!  (Oooh, my bands name ;)  Fuck Misogynists!  Fuck our legislature!  Fuck that they won't pass a Hate Crimes bill!  Fuck those white men in their penis tower downtown that are killing our youth with their anti-LGBTQ rhetoric!  Fuck homophobes!  Fuck the haters!  Fuck transphobes!  Fuck the World Congress of Families!  Fuck the Religious Right!  Fuck Gayle Ruzicka!  Fuck the Eagle Forum!  Fuck the 1%!  Fuck the drug companies! Fuck the bottom line being more important than human life!  Fuck the bottom line being more important than anything!  Fuck Monsanto!  Fuck GMO's!


And I decided this post would not be complete without a photo of a band T-shirt:

My band T-shirt - Fuck the Patriarchy!

YouTube (Medley): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZMQ0OKVO80
YouTube (France): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyKuP_3p6QU

YouTube (Sara says Fuck a lot): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQe2RWqEqgs

"Time Is" by It's A Beautiful Day

Inside of the self titled "It's A Beautiful Day" album cover

Note: the album cover wouldn't lay flat so I weighted it down with a few of my favorite buttons.

I should always put in a plug for the Rock n Roll Camp for Girls.  One of the most amazing things I've been fortunate enough to be involved with:

http://www.rockcampforgirlsslc.org/

And the lovely button from International Women's Day rally at the Utah State Capital a couple of weeks ago is so beautiful.  See my posts about that:

March 8: https://rachels-vital-music.blogspot.com/2018/03/woman-by-lucius.html
March 11: https://rachels-vital-music.blogspot.com/2018/03/now-its-my-turn-by-berlin.html

Like the song I posted a couple of days ago (see my post on 18-Mar-2018) I can relate to the lyrics.  Especially the lines about time/love being too slow for those who wait, love takes so long to find...

Time is too slow for those who wait
And time is too swift for those who fear
Time is too long for those who grieve
And time is too short for those that laugh

And love is too slow for those who wait
And love is too swift for those who fear
Love is too long for those who grieve 
And love is too short for those that laugh

But for those who love
But for those who really love
But for those who love
Time...

Sweet time...
Precious time...
Lovely time...
All the time...
Time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time,
Is eternity


YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THP7k-B8eeM
YouTube (vinyl): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-giw9ma68fU
YouTube (live 1998): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeqhF7sJq4s

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Saw this hilarious Stephen Colbert clip this morning, "Let The Robert Mueller Tweets Begin!":

YouTube (Late Night): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynNKe3wPqVE

And this is downright scary, "Stephen Analyticizes Cambridge Analytica":

YouTube (Late Night): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MeQz8OWXQ0

"Yeah!" by Usher ft. Lil Jon, Ludacris

In the dress I wore to the wedding

It was a BAD day today!  Definitely a Monday!  Very high stress!

We were out of coffee so I had to make a quick run to Trader Joe's.  I was stopped at a red light on 400 South and 300 East.  My glasses had fallen on the floor and while I was stopped I reached over to pick them up.  I guess when I leaned over I wasn't pressing on the gas hard enough and my car rolled into the car in front.  (Note: it was not Lily, the transmobile. Thank heavens I was driving my old Prius.  I'm sure it would have been even uglier and more embarrassing had I been driving Lily!)

There was no damage at all but the woman that was the passenger jumped out and started yelling at me.  She asked "What the hell is the matter with you" and said something about my being stupic.  Normally in such a situation the people involved look and see there is no damage and everybody goes on their way.  But this woman claimed they got whiplash.

It was a whole scene and police were involved (they were super nice to me) but had to give me a ticket since that woman tossed a fit.  In situations like that I always wonder how it would have played out if I was some tough macho dude instead of a transgender woman.

Then after that there was more stress I had a family wedding, a little stressful because it was the first time some family members saw me as Rachel and only the 2nd most of the others had seen me.  Plus I wasn't thinking with everything else going on and left my car keys at home and I lost one spare a couple of weeks ago and I found my third spare was gone too.  So I couldn't drive my car to the wedding.  I was totally stressed by all that shit.

I do have to say, that in the several interactions I've had with SLPD in recent months (I was pulled over twice for burned out headlights before this), the officers have been so very nice and courteous to me.  The one motorcycle officer that pulled me over for the headlight out was being funny and totally making me laugh.

---

Anyway, because I didn't have my car keys, SueZQ ended up driving me to the wedding in Ogden.  It was at the HUB801 center, just north of 36th Street on Riverdale Road.  Lori told me the building used to be the Coca Cola offices.

The wedding turned out to be wonderful!  A beautiful and delightful end to a high stress day. They did some really fun things.  For example, instead of playing the wedding march for Makayla to come down the isle, she chose Darth Vader's entrance music.  It was freaking AWESOME!  I told her if I ever get married again, I will totally do that.  (Yes, I would be the bride.)

The also picked some great music for the reception.  The food was great.  I loved that Makayla picked up Sam in their first dance and swung him around.  That was SO COOL to see!

Makayla and Sam's first dance as Wife and husband

Anyway, I got up and danced to this song.  It was very fun.

YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxBSyx85Kp8

"Wasted Union Blues" by It's A Beautiful Day

My original copy of the self titled "It's A Beautiful Day" album

I had "White Bird" (the song that received air play) from this album stuck in my head this morning so I pulled out this record.  But this song so struck as to how I'm feeling today.  I can so totally relate...

So tiiiiiirrrrred... and wasted
So tired I don't know if I can make it
So wasted I don't know if I can take it
So tired I don't know if I can make it...  no  (oh no)

So tired  I don't know if I can take it
So wasted I don't know if I can fake it
So tired I don't know if I can make it
But I'm going to try, you better believe

Spirits all telling me gotta keep driving on
And my mothers keep telling me I can do no wrong
But The Universe tells me I can't leave myself alone



I think it's interesting to note the Columbia logo on the front.  I have another copy of this album that has "San Francisco Sound" instead.  I didn't see any logo at all in the videos on YouTube.

I think this album didn't sell well when it originally came out, so Columbia let it go out of print.  But then later people discovered it and it was in demand.  I remember around 1990, my friend John Byer talking about this album and how it was going for $100 at the time.

YouTube (vinyl):  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EIYL7yzUFE
YouTube (lyrics): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKxexSSszS4
YouTube (live 1970): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7WQH2ruYvs
YouTube (live 1970-female vocal): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QE3grmydB9Y
YouTube (live 1998): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Em-_6NwlojI
 

"Jamin'" by Bob Marley

Picking up my dear friend, Amy, at the airport

I had a busy day today.  First I ran out to the airport and picked up my dear friend Amy.  She had been in Texas with her sister that has cancer.  She was telling me about this huge cancer center in Texas.  I believe is is the MD Anderson Center in Houston. 

Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_of_Texas_MD_Anderson_Cancer_Center

After I took Amy home I stopped to pick up something at Day Murray Music:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DayMurrayMusic

This feels a little weird but, Day Murray Music has obviously felt very Mormon.  But I have to say they usually treat me (as a transgender woman) very nice.  Several people there know me by name.

Mormon Link: http://www.mormonlink.com/day-murray-music/

I ran home for a minute and then it was off to the Costco on 104th and Bangerter to get some prescriptions for SueZQ.  We got them there because her dad was kind enough to cover the cost.

Costco on 104th South and Bangerter Highway

I have to say that MS gave me the privilege of parking Lili (*1) where she is highly visible.

Something interesting as I walked out of the store, there was a mother and her three daughters (I assume) in front of me.  The youngest noticed me and recognized I was different (not a cis-gender woman).  She kept turning around and looking at me and talking to her sisters and mom, I'm sure about me.

The din in Costco was far too loud for me to hear that conversation.(*2)  I so wish I could have heard what was being said in that group!! 

*1= Lily, the Transmobile, is named after Lili Elbe from the film "The Danish Girl".

*2=One of the first noticable effects of MS was that my brain could no longer filter out background noise so I could understand a conversation in noisy environments.

Anyway, I ran over to Sara's new house (where my band, FTP, now practices) for a jam.  I sat in on keyboard for the last few minutes.  Amy was there fooling around on guitar.  It was SO MUCH FUN, just fooling around jammin'!  Psarah was making up some awesome lyrics about aliens and feminists.  Or maybe it was alien feminists, feminist aliens??  Too funny in any case!

Then my friend Carri asked me to stop by her house because she had baked me some cookies.  When I got there she also presented me with an AWESOME picture she had painted for me.  It looks so great next to my picture of the girl with the umbrella in the rain:

My dear friend Carri made the painting on the right for me.

Anyway, our jam session this afternoon reminded me of this song:

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFRbZJXjWIA
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvFxG3rZQ2E
YouTube (live): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WlCdiU9IzA
YouTube (Topic): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rT2rewzYd7c

"Hurt So Bad" by The Lettermen

I was telling a friend how it hurts so bad when I see people on TV or in movies passionately kissing.

Since I've been on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), I.E. Estrogen/Estridiol, I swear my senses are more...  VIVID!  Colors are brighter!  Touch is more intense.  I so want to experience that as the woman.  What is it like with lipstick on?

YouTube (vinyl): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qY8qkSUTF-Y
YouTube (longer): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTf18vueoKg

"Shake It Off" by Talia Keys

Talia Keys playing at Urban Lounge SLC on 14-March-2018

Update 25-Nov-2018: I added a post of Talia Keys and the Love doing this song to fill in last year for 19-Jun-2017

I was feeling terrible again today.  I was thinking about how good I felt on Tuesday and how I've been thinking that I haven't been feeling well since Transgiving (a couple of days after Thanksgiving).

Now I'm thinking that it may have been since "Costume Gate" at the end of October that I haven't been well (nasty anxiety, panic attacks and the return of my insomnia).

Anyway, I was feeling poorly, it was dark and rainy but I really wanted to see Talia perform so I braved the weather.  It was definitely worth it.  However, I felt too horrible to stay and see the headliner, so I left after Talia's opener.

YouTube: https://youtube.com/watch?v=cDaQx3pzHg0


Talia was among my friends at the Utah State Capital on International Women's Day:

Hillary, Talia and Melahn

Hillary and Kat

Dawn, Shell, Ma Black and Noor

https://www.sltrib.com/pb/news/2018/03/08/salt-lake-city-rally-celebrates-voices-contributions-of-women-on-international-womens-day/

"Hot 'n' Cold" by Katy Perry

Theatrical release posters for "The New Girlfriend"

Update 16-Mar-2018: added the English theatrical release poster alongside the French one.

I finished watching Season 2 of "Lip Service" last night and I was trying to find something else to watch and this French film "The New Girlfriend" turned up.  A first I thought it was another lesbian movie, it took me a few minutes to realize what the film was about a transgender woman.

I can relate to a lot of things in the movie.  When Claire and Gilles were talking about David (Virginia) in the car, Gilles said he always thought David was feminine.

I can't remember the exact time frame, I think it was still early when I was still presenting male most of the time.  SueZQ and I were talking in the car and she said that even on our first date she thought I had very effeminate mannerisms.

#TransFilm
#TransMovie
#TransgenderFilm
#TransgenderMovie

This song has turned up at several points in the film and I've always liked this song.  I can so relate to the line "You change your mind like a girl changes clothes".  SueZQ and I were going somewhere one day and I changed clothes like 7 times.  SueZQ said "you're such a girl" :)

YouTube (Vevo): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTHNpusq654
YouTube (Sesame Street): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUsIGiYL5rk
YouTube (Victoria's Secret): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn6_ixzHOfM
YouTube (lyrics): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_FreDrOFd0
YouTube (Topic): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RL3JJPT0v_g


OMG - I have the exact pair of socks one of the girls is wearing in the Victoria's Secret video:

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Stephen Colbert had some great segments last night.  I love this "Trump Presents 'Space Force: Episode Dumb'".  I can't believe anybody would make as stupid of statement as "Space is a war fighting domain".  Because we don't fight enough wars as it is?!?!?!?  How about we make peace instead?????  IDIOT!!!!!

Anyway, I love that Stephen Colbert can make this funny:

YouTube (Late Night): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfHPLpXKfWg

And "Betsy DeVos Flunked Her '60 Minutes' Test":

YouTube (Late Night): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKPIae1_LYw

"Funny How Little Men Care" by Mark Lindsay

Native women at the Utah State Capital on International Women's Day

Looking at this photo made me cry.  Why and how can there be all this injustice in the world?!?!?!  This is just SO FUCKING WRONG!!!!  And it's like so few of our politicians care.

I don't know, there had to be some sort of magic today.  Today is first day I've felt really, really good and strong since Transgiving in November.  It felt so unusual, strange, weird, to actually feel great!  Like it was out of the ordinary.

I'm watching the series "Lip Service" about a group of lesbians set in Glascow Scotland and the Sam (Detective Sergeant Sam Murray) character said "Saying I love you is like a gunfight, if you draw first you'd better not miss.".  Ain't that the truth! ;)
So I found this record int the garage the other day when I was getting my Lighthouse album out.  I had forgotten I had even bought it.

The receipts were down in the plastic outer sleeve and it was very WEIRD to see the signature on the credit card receipt:

Receipts from 18-Jan-2003 for purchasing Silverbird album

It is like it was somebody else.  It was somebody else.  I had NO idea that 15 years later I would be happily living as Rachel, a woman.  It still blows my mind!

I also just received some legitimate (not junk) mail addressed to James.  SIGH!!  Your name is out there in so many places, that just don't show up for years.  I will have been legally Rachel and Female for almost 3 years.

Anyway, I was listening to this album this morning and thinking how much I've loved this song.  More evidence that I was always a woman, I always related to the girls/women in music.

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGo3T04uU3E
YouTube (Topic): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqAvtWLqjPg

"She's Not There" by The Zombies

My old 35mm Camera

Loading the film

I decided this morning to get my 35mm camera out today, load that old un-shot roll of film into it and take some pictures the old fashioned way.  I had forgotten how much more involved that was.

I had to think about and try to remember everything.  Setting the ASA value for the film (ASA400), the shutter speed, the F-stop, and the zoom.  I took a couple of photos and realized I had completely forgotten to focus.

I was telling someone about my friend this morning and I said sometimes she is busy with work, family, etc. and not there.  This song popped into my head.

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it68QbUWVPM
YouTube (live TV): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2hXBf1DakE
YouTube (topic): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3f33ZUM1RjM

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I just saw this Stephen Colbert clip about Stormy Daniels and Trump from clear back in January.  Seems like a lifetime ago...

YouTube (Late Night): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NeuAFz7NFk

"Now It's My Turn" by Berlin

I love being a "Nasty Woman"

I love that photo of me in the article about the International Women's Day rally that KRCL hosted in the Salt Lake Tribune:

https://www.sltrib.com/pb/news/2018/03/08/salt-lake-city-rally-celebrates-voices-contributions-of-women-on-international-womens-day/

There were some great photos of many of my friends from the "SL,UT Grrrl Gang":

Dawn in her SL,UT Grrrl Gang jacket

Anyway, this is another great song by Berlin:

The "Live 2016" video is cool because it's Terri Nunn's birthday and some of the original members get on stage for that performance.

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUUlFK9Qw2M
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pz1TuK5U-GQ
YouTube (Live 2016): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tY1LDxlgBGE

"Lipstick" by Inside Job

I would swear I took some stills from Lindifest presented by the Music Garage last night, but I can't find them.

Anyway, Inside Job did an amazing cover of Talia Keys "Lipstick" tonight.  See my post for 9-Oct-2017 for Talia's version.

YouTube: https://youtube.com/watch?v=W3niDUlOtJU

"I'm Done" by The Julie Ruin

I went and saw "The Punk Singer" last night with my band FTP.  Kathleen Hanna is just amazing!  When she was talking about how she envisioned notes forming and coming out of her mouth it was fascinating.

The thing was, when she started to get sick and she said "This is my body telling me I'm done" it totally hit me.  I couldn't help but wonder if that is what has been happening with me the last few months.  Is my body telling me "I'm DONE!".

And the all the stuff about her illness, not knowing what it was etc. totally triggered me.  I don't think I have ever been triggered like that before!

Anyway, I love this song and it is perfect!!

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWqR0w9ohN8

"Woman" by Lucius

Psarah Johnson speaking, one of my many amazing friends at the rally today

Lucius making a special appearance at the rally

Went to the KRCL rally today at the State Capital. There were so many of my friends there, it was wonderful!

Lucius did a special performance that brought tears to many of our eyes.

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkrBglcnFq0

"Something I Can Never Have" by Nine Inch Nails

We were so feeling this song this morning!  We absolutely wanted everything to go away!

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAGAoy5WZWY
YouTube (Studio): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l83F3KKUKig
YouTube (Studio): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEW8riKU_tE
YouTube (lyric): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaKqSR22EcU
YouTube (Tori Amos): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_7PFGUuckk
YouTube (live Woodstock): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3kVNsNRneQ

"Straight to Hell" by The Clash

My Computer Desk on Foothill Dr. - circa 1995

I found this old Polaroid photo on my desk this morning.  I've no idea how it got there.  I likely found it in a box, set it on my desk and forgot about it.

It is so weird to think about how long ago that was and how different things were then.  How different I was then.  It seemed so weird last year when I got a notice that one of my friends, ReNae, from that era was turning 50!  FIFTY!  That concept still almost makes my head explode!

I so loved that old Macintosh.  That clunky old 68000 Microprocessor and Mac OS was so nice.

And that Pentium I computer on the floor with it's guts exposed was the biggest piece of shit EVER!  I could never wrap my head around the fact I paid around $2,000 for that pile of junk.

I distinctly remember one weekend I fought with some Windoze upgrade that made it not boot up right.  Like I fought with it from Friday night until Sunday afternoon when I was so stressed, I had to fight the urge to toss that fucking thing off my balcony.  I was so angry I actually had to leave my apartment and go for a walk down Foothill to calm down.

That was pretty much the start of my hatred for Windows.  Windows was pretty much *ALWAYS* a trip straight to HELL for me.  I still tried to use it for a couple of more years, until 1998 when I finally got sick of the constant turmoil and started using Linux.  I've NEVER regretted it!

Wow, I just realized this year will be the 20th year of being Microsoft free in my home / personal life.  Just think of all the viruses, worms and malware I avoided!!  :)

Anyway, this song popped up when I was looking for yesterday's song.  It has always been one of my favorite Clash songs.

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkyCrx4DyMk
YouTube (live TV): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqyN3-bpGug
YouTube (TV w/clips): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Be2pMMYNzQ8
YouTube (Topic): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBR1Q05JjhA

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Stephen Colbert Grabs Capitol Hill By The Memo

YouTube (Late Night): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNnRbYj6Rnc

Stephen Colbert Responds To Devin Nunes

YouTube (Late Night): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgqy3o6ec-8

"Love Kills" by Joe Strummer

I got the sheet music for "Know You Rights" and noticed "Joe Strummer" listed in the credits.  That reminded me of this favorite song.

"Know Your Rights" is one of the songs my band, FTP, is planning to play.

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0Yd_LglLA8
YouTube (movie):: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeeZRw52FxE
YouTube (12"): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WsHqOcd6aM

"Goody, Goody!" by Helen Ward with Benny Goodman & His Orchestra

I was listening to this "The 20's Roar" album this morning.  Loved it, I was kinda surprised that I knew every song on it except for one.  I especially loved the version of this song that was on this album.  This version on YouTube is pretty close to the one of the album.

I love how some of these old albums have the technical details about the recording.  Also in those days they used CPS (Cycles Per Second) instead of "Hertz" that has been used for decades now.  I have no clue what CPA is, I suspect it was a typo.  LOL


YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4GISdPn8nQ

"A Man and A Woman" by The Free Design

Shazam was able to identify this song off the cassette duplicate of the old reel-to-reel tape I've mentioned before.  See my posts from 11-Feb-2017 and 5-Aug-2011 for example.

I can't describe how happy I am that Shazam was able to identify this old version.  This is one of my favorite versions.

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnoFOtoOKOQ
YouTube (vinyl) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSnkk2byC5s

"Hey Big Spender" by Peggy Lee

When I was looking for a video for my post last week (27-Feb-2018) a video for this song popped up, from a movie I guess:

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG3VfKlfDEk 

I've always loved the Peggy Lee version of this song:

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3MamvKeOvg

"Lost in the Supermarket" by The Clash

We bought a few groceries totaling $33 in WinCo today.  We paid for $13 of it in quarters and dimes at the self-serve checkout.  That was a very freaky experience, it took several minutes.  It felt like 10 minutes.  It seemed very weird.

Anyway, this is possibly my favorite Clash song.

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsrEAWcAvRg